It’s not easy.

Coming as a shock to absolutely no one, diverging from the norm with not only the punishment of physical and social ostracization, but the higher risk of bullying, isn’t exactly the most simple thing to undertake. Though humanity has made great strides in its acceptance of those who love in ways that they don’t understand, it still has a long way to go, and a lot of that starts here. 

According to the Washington Post, Western Pennsylvania is a pre-dominantly conservative area, and while that isn’t inherently bad, it also means that the majority of its residents prefer to keep their way of life “traditional” and exclusive to only those who fit into their box of normalcy. Being able to open your biases to ideas that have always existed, but have only recently been accepted, is an integral part of being able to progress – as a species and as a culture.

I was about ten when I first realized that I might not be like everyone else. Of course, stereotypical elementary school crushes were inevitable, as when you’re a kid, you’re really just repeating the world you see around you in order to try to understand it, and with that, eventually develop your own personality. I would pick a boy in my class that was generally well-liked, and determine that I “liked” him – a system that was pretty universal to any elementary student. My few friends would giggle about it, and the next year, I would move on. It was mirroring, hollow and repetitive. 

Being able to open your biases to ideas that have always existed, but have only recently been accepted, is an integral part of being able to progress – as a species and as a culture.

I didn’t understand the gravity of romantic love until I began to genuinely explore it.

Especially due to the sense of social purity that comes with living in a conservative, religious area, I was scared to admit the truth to myself and the people around me. Especially as an awkward preteen, one’s worst nightmare is to deviate and be an outlier. I hid that part of myself for a long time. I found community in online spaces where I was told that it was okay to be who I am, and I thrived in those spaces. Of course, not everyone in the community is perfect, as with any group – but for the most part, I found friends that loved me as I was. Regardless of gender, preference,  or personality, I think it’s a universal experience to feel euphoria upon being loved as you are. Humanity is so diverse that it’s bound to happen, and being able to express yourself to your fullest is a wonderful feeling.

As I grew older, I grew more mature and discovered more about myself. I ping-ponged between labels for a little while, but allowed myself to love freely. I got into a few relationships, and through them, was able to better understand who I was. I grew more confident and gained the ability to stand up for myself and to be open about who I was without fear. My existence harms none, and those who don’t accept me being gay have to deal with that issue on their own. It’s a reflection of them, not me. I had, and still have, a lot of traits that can be considered “weird,” but I embrace them because I have people in my life who embrace them with me.

Not everyone is able to progress in the way I have, though. Many of my friends are still “in the closet,” meaning that they’re not open about their identity, typically due to fear of a lack of acceptance. Honestly, I can’t blame them. 

Regardless of gender, preference,  or personality, I think it’s a universal experience to feel euphoria upon being loved as you are.

I’ve had slurs thrown at me left and right. 

I’ve had ex-friends gossip about me before I was ready to tell the world about it. 

I’ve been kicked out of non-school programs and organizations I love because of the way that I love. 

It’s disheartening and I fully understand those who feel compelled to be silent about their identity – it has serious consequences. Being out of the closet has also allowed me to look and act the way that’s most genuine to myself. It’s allowed me to find community in the area, though rural, and restored my faith that there are real people like me who experience similar things that I do. 

Though I plan to leave western PA once I graduate high school in hope of pursuing greater heights, I appreciate a lot of the people in it, especially those friends that tell me to come as I am. 

I’m happy being me.