Bouncing leg, fidgeting, hyper fixations—these are all things that accompany my ADHD. 

For those unfamiliar, ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, an impulse disorder with genetic components in my brain. 

I received my ADHD diagnosis at the age of 10. I’d hyper-fixate on the smallest things, bounce off the walls at the slightest smell of sugar, and unknowingly get loud when discussing something. Initially, I considered my bouncing leg and extensive knowledge on a topic as normal behaviors, unaware of the neurotransmitter imbalance in my brain.

In essence, I was very chaotic.

My ADHD brings along anxiety, compounding my existing struggles. I’d pick at my fingers and face to the point of bleeding, experiencing severe anxiety attacks marked by shaking, crying, and a feeling of breathlessness. Some might argue that I don’t appear to have ADHD, but that perception often relies on observing me with medication. Even the mention of caffeine can set my brain into motion. ADHD isn’t always externally visible; it involves internal struggles as well.

Anxiety further complicates my ADHD, making daily functioning challenging. Persistent stress and worry cloud my mind, exacerbated by the distractions of being an older sibling and navigating high school. It’s not easy, but I make an effort to cope.

One of my prominent ADHD challenges is my inability to focus. If you’ve met me, you’ll know I always need background noise. When doing homework in silence, I have earbuds in, listening to music or a podcast, or I’m engaged in self-talk.

The struggle is undeniably real.